Just some thoughts

So, it's been a very hard month.
Lost a very close family friend to murder. She left behind a son and a daughter. RIP Aileen, love you.
Also been struggling to let go of an unhealthy relationship, but I'm not ready to yet. I really love her. Time's gotta help me out on this one. Because she's really amazing. I can't stop thinking about her. She knows how to help me out. She knows how to make me happy. But it's gotten so out of hand...how much I depend on her. It seems like she's ALL I ever think about. Between her and music.
(Somewhere A Clock Is Ticking-Snow Patrol)
I've been attached to my guitar for the past two weeks. More than I usually am. It's just because that's my escape. That's how I can forget about everything and just let go. I can just breathe and live in my own little fantasy world...it's my drug.
(Set Fire To The Rain-Adele)
And lately, I've really needed it. I'm just so empty and worn out. I can't ever sleep anymore, then when I do, I can't wake up. It's so hard to focus. So hard to stay happy. I feel that it'll get better, but for now it's draining.
School ends next week. Thank god. Freshman year finally over. I'll no longer be a fish. Less work in band...lol.
Which reminds me, I'm getting moved up to second band this year! Excited. Means I'm making progress! I don't suck anymore!! I have potential.
(Fix You-Coldplay)
My sister is so cute! She's a mini-me(: She's all chunky haha. I love her so much! She's also been a big part of my life. Like, HUGE part.
So I had attendance retrival today. Most boring 3 hours of my entire life. At least after testing you can sleep...I sat there staring at the clock the whole time. That's what I get for being absent though...
(The End Where I Begin-The Script)
So. About Valerie. It's been a whole year since she stopped talking to me. I still hurt just as much now as I did then. I still cry. I still wake up from nightmares. Not even nightmares, even just dreams. I still see her face in my mind. I made her a promise that I would never forget her, and no matter how hard I try to break it, I can't. It's tearing me apart more than anything. I love her, more than she'll ever know. And it's not that I'm...I don't know. She didn't deserve what I did to her. If she would take my apology, it would mean a lot. But she won't. So that's really hard to live with.
(Bleeding Love-Leona Lewis)
Well, I'll leave here, since it's 11 pm and I'm extremely exhausted. Goodnight.

Life Without You.